i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
