I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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