Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still have a little drunk in my system
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
