He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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