The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
