The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
