i think my tv is drunk
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
