Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is wine microwaveable?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
