That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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