I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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