You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
