I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
