Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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