HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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