Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
