he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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