I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize