Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
