DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
