I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
