when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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