I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
