We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
