sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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