U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
