he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
