I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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