You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my poor anus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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