then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize