Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
