I'm drive I can fine osifer
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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