I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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