Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
