I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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