The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
