My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
