Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
