we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
