Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
