He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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