I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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