I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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