Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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