I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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