We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
