They should really pass out barf bags in church
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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