what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
