If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
