in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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