I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will pee on everything he values.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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