I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
