Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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