A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
