thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize