I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
