4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
