Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
