neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think people are normalizing furries
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
