you would pick up someone in the library
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
