Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
