you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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