I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
