So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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