This is not my ceiling
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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