we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
