Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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