if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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